Granny's Hands

My grandmother was called home several months ago the February morning we got snow in East Texas. This doesn't happen often, and I'll never forgot waking up to the beautiful snow, no electricity, and calling to check on my grandmother. My Aunt Sandy had already called her many times that morning and was unable to reach her. We all became extremely worried so, Eric decided to drive over to her house. As he slowly left our driveway the unsettling feeling deep in my stomach told me that something wasn't right. Unable to drive quickly due to the snow, I waited patiently for my phone to ring. As I paced the floor trying to tell myself everything was okay a text from Eric appeared that read, "Pulling up now." Minutes passed which seemed like eternity. He then called to ask me where the spare key was hidden outside because she wasn't answering the door. I knew then something was terribly wrong. Granny was always up early. There was no way she wouldn't have been greeting Eric at the side door if she was up. The key that had been hidden outside wasn't there anymore. Eric went to each window yelling her name in panic. Finding no other way in, Eric kicked my grandmother's door in and found her lying peacefully in her bedroom floor. Her breathing was deep and slow, but she wasn't responding to him. He laid down beside her for a minute just trying to calmly talk to her in hopes she would respond. When he realized this wasn't happening, he picked her up, cradling her frail body over his shoulder like a big baby and ran with her to his truck. Because of the deep snow that we are not prepared for in Texas, the roads were not clear yet. Eric knew that driving her to the ambulance station himself would be the quickest route possible. He called 911 on his way to town while holding my grandmother who was laid across his back seat. He arrived at the ambulance station in Emory pulling my grandmother right up to the front door. The medics assessed her in his back seat before transporting her to Sulphur Springs Hospital. She later passed away, surrounded by her three children, from a brain aneurysm. Of all the people to find my grandmother like this, I think she would have been pleased that Eric carried her out of her home for the last time that day. She adored Eric, and there was no denying that. Many times I wondered if she would keep him instead of me if it came down to it! She had even agreed once to give a scammer 10k to get Eric out of jail agreeing NOT to tell me! The scammer had her going explaining Eric didn't want me to know he had been put in jail, so she had to get them the 10k in secret. I said, "Granny!!! What?!?! You were going to give him 10k for being in jail and not tell me?" She just shrugged and said, "Well if he told me not to tell you." I exclaimed, "Granny!!! No, you are on my side right?" I never got a straight answer on that one.

The crippling feeling of being curled up in a tight ball, on the floor of our closet, crying never ending tears after getting the devastating call from my Aunt Sandy still feels as sharp today as it did then. Eric covered me up with an old quilt as the temperature was slowly dropping in our home after hours with no electricity. He told me to stay there as long as I needed to. My heart was broken, but hers was better than it had been since my sweet Papa went home in 2018. My Granny was a tough woman who had the ability to get her point across with very few words. She had been more like a mom to my sister and me growing up. How could she really be gone without me getting to say bye? How would I tell my kids? How would I tell my sister who was stranded in Dallas unable to leave due to road conditions? How long could I sit there in a ball crying? I felt like my world just stopped. Of course I knew my Granny couldn't live forever, but just a few days ago she was driving around town, living her best life hauling firewood into her house. I wasn't prepared for this day to happen so fast. But really do we ever fully prepare to say goodbye? She was there every step of the way as Brody grew up. She would arrive at the school an hour before dismissal to make sure her boy didn't have to wait a single minute past time to be picked up. This was a routine she and my Papa started when Brody entered Pre-K. Brody had the ultimate great-grandparent experience that I will forever thank God for!

Alzheimer's is common on my grandmother's side of the family. Her mother, brother, and sisters all struggled with this horrible disease in their later years of life. One of my grandmother's biggest fears was getting Alzheimer's and becoming a burden to her family. I reassured her each time she would mention us "just putting her in a nursing home" that she need not worry one bit about that. Knowing my grandmother drove, lived on her own, and was completely independent until the day she left brings a smile to my face. She lived fully until her last moments on Earth. This was her ultimate goal for her last days here, and goodness I'm thankful God answered her prayers on that one.

There are so many things I miss about my Granny. Every day she would call to check on us asking how each one of my kids were doing. Some days I still pick up the phone to call and check on her. She was such a great cook, could sew anything we took to her, and was always there for me when I had a last minute schedule change that required extra help juggling my kids. I never heard my grandmother complain of hard work and trust me, she knew what hard work was. She grew up working in the fields as a child then as a young women worked as a seamstress at Haggar Slacks. After raising her children and retiring from Haggars, she worked at Country Flowers and Gifts, our local florist in town.

One of the things I remember most about my grandmother were her hands. I will never forget exactly what her hands looked like. I can still see her fingers running underneath each word of my sister's library books as she read to her at night. Sierra, who was way too big to be sitting in Granny's lap, hated to read. Granny would read to her at night when we would stay over. Never did Granny get frustrated or act like reading books to my sister, who was obviously old enough to read herself, was an inconvenience. Granny loved to read and the way she held a book with such intent will forever be ingrained in my mind. She still used the public library for checking out books and reading daily. When Brody was born she would hold him on her shoulder and rub his back firmly with those same hands. Granny always scooped up any baby around with pure confidence. She was just a nurturer. She would fix toys, kiss faces, and love all my babies with those hands. The love in her hands will never be forgotten. I think of them often. I would give anything to see them carefully rub a piece of fabric as she slowly inspects it, coming up with the perfect plan to mend whatever it was that I brought her. My grandmother spent her life standing in shadows so others could shine. She loved so much in her time! I know her hands are absolutely perfect now and that makes be happy. She never said it but judging by her swollen knuckles I can imagine they ached a little here on Earth. The mark she left on our family and our life will forever be cherished. The hours this women spent working and loving with her hands reminds and encourages me daily to continue Loving on Borrowed Time.