Pregnant

I'm what?

I was about 23 years old when Eric and I started talking about having kids. I stopped taking birth control, but by no means was really "trying" to get pregnant. We both just had the mindset of "it will happen when it's time." I remember waking up in the middle of the night with the worst stomach cramps of my life. I didn't wake Eric up because I didn't think it was a big deal. I was just having these cramps from starting my monthly cycle so I thought. I got up the next morning and the cramps were still there, but I was not going to miss work at Little Acorn Preschool. I loved my job and the kids in my class. I had the best boss in the world, Angie Wilson, who is now my best friend. I didn't miss work for anything. I took some Tylenol and went to work. As the day went on, the cramps got worse and the blood loss was not normal. I made an appointment with the local OBGY in Sulphur Springs. His name was Dr. Ram. He was the same Dr. who delivered my sister and me. I sat in the exam room for just a few minutes before he came in. He did a quick exam and said, "You pregnant, but you gonna lose the baby." Dr. Ram is a very well-known, highly praised Dr. in Sulphur Springs, TX. He is a short Asian man that is to the point and smarter than the average person I deal with on a daily basis. My whole body felt as if I were numb. I couldn't process what he was saying. I looked at him in shock and said, "Do what...how do you know I'm going to lose this baby?" He explained to me that my hCG levels were low and with the amount of blood I had lost I was probably having a miscarriage. I was so heartbroken, confused, and felt so alone in that moment. He told me to come back the next day so they could recheck my levels, but most likely I would need a D&C. He handed me a small pamphlet that explained what a D&C was then sent me home. It was the longest drive home full of so many helpless tears. Was this something I did? Would I ever be able to have babies? What will surgery be like? Is there anyway at all this baby could live? These questions ran rapidly through my mind. Eric and I just held each other on the couch in disbelief when I got home. We had no idea I was even pregnant, much less that we were going to lose a baby. I went back to his office the next day to find my levels were a little lower indicating that I was miscarrying the baby. Dr. Ram booked me for a D&C that day. This procedure would be done at the hospital next door to his office. I had the procedure and was sent home thinking everything was just fine. Eric and I agreed to move on with life and not allow ourselves to live in pity of this situation. Everyone was so nice and caring. Family brought food to the house, and we received lots of prayers. I knew everything was going to be fine. I just wanted to get back to our normal life as quickly as possible though. The following weekend we were invited to go out dancing at East Fork, a local restaurant and bar, with friends. Eric and I two stepped, laughed, and felt like life was getting back to normal. We had a great time! That following Monday I was still experiencing some pain and blood loss. I called Dr. Ram's office back where the nurse explained to me that my body had been through a lot and assured me everything I was experiencing seemed normal. By Wednesday I knew something else was wrong. I called the nurse back and explained it had been almost two weeks since my D&C, and I was still having great blood loss. She told me to come in so they could check my levels and try to figure out what was going on. I went to the office and left a urine sample. The nurse said Dr. Ram would look at in and get back to me in a little while. I returned to work at Little Acorn School. It was the middle of summer, and I had my class of 10 students outside hitting a piñata on the playground. My phone rang. It was the nurse from Dr. Ram's office. She said, "Have you eaten today?" I answered, "Yes." She replied, "You need to come in immediately! You are still pregnant, and we need to do emergency surgery!" Once again I stood there in disbelief holding a piñata rope. I didn't understand! How could this be?! I called Eric and he came to pick me up from work. I was so nervous and didn't understand what was happening. When we arrived at Dr. Ram's office they got us back to a room very quickly. I could feel that something wasn't right, and Dr. Ram was trying to appear very calm. He told us that I was still pregnant, but the baby was in the fallopian tube. This is known as tubal pregnancy or ectopic pregnancy. He needed to do surgery right away because the chances of it rupturing were very high at this point. Dr. Ram took me to the sonogram room where he looked and worked so hard to find where the baby was in the tubes. He was unable to find it. I remember watching the screen then looking at his face to read his expressions. He maintained his concerned look throughout the sonogram. He explained to me that he would have to cut me from hip to hip to preform an exploratory surgery to find the baby if he was unable to see it in a sonogram. Eric and I were both beyond scared. He then sent me to the hospital next door for the sonogram tech there to do a vaginal sonogram in hopes he could find where it was. The equipment at the hospital was better than the sonogram machine in his office. The sonogram tech found it right away because by this time, it was on the verge of rupturing. I went back to Dr. Ram's office where he frantically explained that he needed to do emergency surgery. He then asked, "You feel better going to Dallas for surgery?" Well yes, yes I would! We agreed that we wanted to go to Dallas. Dr. Ram told the nurse to call Dallas to explain my situation. Dallas would not accept me. They couldn't take the risk of me coming to them for fear of it rupturing on the way there. So here I was preparing for surgery in Sulphur Springs, just praying it all would go well. If this surgery didn't go well, I could risk losing both of my fallopian tubes resulting in never being able to get pregnant again. To say we were scared was an understatement. Getting checked into the hospital was quick. The nurse that came in to prep me was nice, but very unsure of her IV starting abilities. She was shaking trying to get my IV started. I was calm at first but when she told me, "Hold still I'm going to try and fish this in," I was about done with the whole IV and her at that point. I told her I wanted someone else to start the IV. I think she could tell by the look on my face that she better get another person quick. She agreed and brought in another sweet lady who was able to get my IV started with no problems at all. So off to surgery I went. This was more intense than the D&C and recovery was slower. This was the first surgery I had ever gone through, so I really didn't know what to expect. I was very sore, and it hurt so badly to laugh. We tried extremely hard to get back to our normal day to day life. I hate for people to feel sorry for me. I'm not good at being "babied," and that's all everyone wanted to do. My sister wouldn't leave my side. She insisted on staying with me the following week after surgery when Eric returned to work. I tried to convince her I would be just fine alone, but that didn't work. For those of you who don't know Sierra, she is as stubborn as an old mule. She doesn't take after me with this...I'm not stubborn at all. HAHA! It was the middle of summer, and now I had these three nice little scars on my stomach that went great with my cute two piece swimsuit. Eric's friends nicknamed me "Buckshot" for a few weeks, and they would tease him about sending Nemo, the weak swimmer. We were all young so joking was the best way they knew to get us past this hardship. Let me just say, that summer was one of the best of our lives! Shortly after this we went to the Guadalupe River for the first time to float. We went to concerts, stayed up late on weekdays, and just had a fun time with one another. Eric and I loved each other more and had a bond like no other after this. We weren't broken, we were better! Better than we were before all of this happened. We learned that unexpected things can hurt, but you heal. We learned to trust God's plan and timing. We also took the time we had now to really enjoy each other before becoming parents. Looking back, I see God's perfect plan. If you would have asked me then, I would have told you that was the most horrible emotional pain ever! Do I think of this from time to time, yes. But does it consume me with sadness, absolutely not! It wasn't time for us to be parents yet, and God knew that. He put our focus in the right place, and today we are still so thankful for that summer. No matter how great we think our best dreams and plans are...God's are ALWAYS better! We loved more deeply and realized how valuable our relationship was Loving on Borrowed Time.