Why this way? But I would love them too much...

We get asked so often "why" did you decide to foster/adopt? We always explain it was just something that always tugged at our heart strings. We explain that it's hard, but we trust God to take care of us. The words that sometimes follow are the ones that no foster parent ever wants to hear! "That's so great that yall do that...I've thought about fostering, but I know I would just love them too much!" In this moment I fake smile, take a deep breath, and try not to say something really smart like, "Yeah, that's our secret...we just don't love them that much." I know that each and every person that has said these words to us didn't mean that we don't love our foster children. They are having a conversation with us because they care. I know they didn't mean to come off hateful, but these words hurt more than you know. What I want every person to know is that God didn't intend for everyone to be a foster parent!! Some days I question if He even intends me to be one. HAHA! For real! There are millions of callings in the world and "foster parent" is just one of many. God gives us each talents, gifts, and ways to bless others daily. Everyone isn't called to be foster parents, but there are lots of people who are. And guess what? That's perfectly fine! One of the main reasons for me wanting to share our foster care/adoption journey with you is to bring light to all the ways you can help and support foster families and foster children daily. If you ONLY pray for foster children daily...you are doing more than most! If you have read my previous posts you can see that this journey hasn't been easy. We literally dealt with a heart break situation from the start. We could have stopped there. We could have remained bitter, but that's not what He called us to do. He called us only to say YES! Yes, we will take them! When you open your heart and home up to anyone there is always potential for getting hurt. This can be with friendships, relationships, anyone! Does that mean you shut your heart down? Well sometimes, yes. I know many people who refuse to open up and love because of the hurt they've been through. There are many times in my own life where I wanted to shut down my heart. If it's not out there, how can it get hurt? Right?! I'm sure we've all been there before. As I grew older and realized just how many times Jesus shut down His heart, I would always tell myself "I can take a little more." Jesus stopped loving...NEVER! Even as He was being hung from a cross, with nails through His hands and feet, and blood pouring from His beaten body, He still loved! If I've been called to love and take in foster children, then I'm going to try to do just that. I fail at it daily! I want to give up at times...I cry, worry, stress, and fight for and with children I don't even know that well. And guess what...it's awesome most days! We've had people ask us if we judge couples harshly who have lots of biological kids because they could just adopt instead of having more kids of their own. HECK NO!! Biological kids, foster kids, adopted kids, one kid, lots of kids, no kids. (One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish- In my best teacher voice) I don't care what YOU decide to do! That's all up to you and God. Is our way different than some? Well yes! Is it wrong? No! Your way isn't wrong either. I think sometimes others feel uneasy around foster/adoptive parents because they feel like our way seems more "religious" or something. That's just it though...we are no more "religious" or "Godly" than the next Christian. If you don't believe me, come visit our house during dinner and homework time on a school night! It's not always beautiful guys. As foster parents, we don't do this for recognition or praise. We do it because it was something that was put on our hearts and there is an aching desire to help in this way. To be honest, it's even a bit addicting! Waiting and anticipating what the next phone call may bring is truthfully an adrenaline rush. Yes, yes...I know about Six Flags and Sky Diving, but these foster babies yall! Oh my!! It's just my thing I guess. I've been this way since I was little. I was always the "mother" type figure to my sisters and all my friends. This is just the way I was wired. I love these kids...I even love them TOO MUCH. It does hurt. It's not easy. I just have to love God enough to say yes and trust that He will sort out the rest. No matter how you're putting your heart out there, you must do the same. Even if it's having biological children. You must trust God just like I do. God gave your child to you, but as a few of my dear friends know...God also called their babies home really early in life. They could have avoided all the hurt of saying goodbye to their precious babies by not getting pregnant, but they didn't think about the "what ifs" when they planned on having their babies. They just planned for their perfect babies. Just like I take in foster babies that God has a plan for, God had a plan for their babies to go home early. Yes, is it more "risky" to lose a foster child...maybe? I know lots of foster families who have adopted their very first placement though. It may seem so different having biological children, but in all reality any of our babies can "leave" at any time. They may go back to their biological family, they may go with an Aunt and Uncle, or they may even go to Heaven to be with Jesus. Our way may seem different, but it's really not. Just like you are trusting God to take care of your biological children, I trust Him with my foster children. So no matter how you love the children you have, and no matter how you got the children you have...you too my friend, are Loving on Borrowed Time.

Each day we have with our children is one more we weren't promised. There are so many days that I take for granted. Often times I find myself just trying to survive the evening so I can tuck all my littles into bed. When it gets very quiet and still in our house at night then I remember...one day there won't be anymore littles to tuck in. I try to just embrace the fights, chaos, tears, messes, laughs, screams, flying objects, and never ending refereeing. One day soon these littles won't be so little anymore, and they won't need Momma to kiss, hold, and snuggle them to sleep. I pray God lets me borrow just a little more time.